He holds me
by Dapple
Summary: The greatest gift I can ever give him... 'cause it scares the living daylight out of me. Slash
1. Version 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the SWAT kats and use them without permission, make no money out of this and do not mean to offend anyone.  
WARNING: M/M

He holds me

by Dapple

29/5 2005

He holds me. Not hard, not pinning me down, not forcing. Just steady and close. It's kind of soothing, even though the rest of this scares the living daylight out of me.

I love him. Of course I do, otherwise I'd never let him do this. I just don't love him the way he loves me. I close my eyes and bite my lip and I know I'm too tense, way too tense.

He strokes my shoulder and mumbles something in my ear that I can't quite catch. I turn my head and glance at him.

"Huh?"

"I said: I won't hurt you."

_No Chance, I don't think you will._ Or at least I think he'll do his best not to.

I don't try my luck on a smile, I don't want it to turn into a snarl, as I turn away from him again.

"I know."

I wonder if he's big. Oh, get a grip Jake, you've been showering with this guy a thousand times! You know _exactly _how big he is.

Bigger than me anyhow.

Did you look at me in the shower? You must have. Why does that not bother me? Maybe 'cause noone has has ever looked at me that way before, the way you did tonight. Little skinny Jake didn't feel so skinny and outcast anymore.

He's shifting against my back, bringing me back to the present. One of his paws strokes my chin and hesitantly moves down over my throat before it reaches my shoulder. He begins to rub me softly, melting away the knots and tensions in my neck and back. I duck my head to give him more space and try to breathe calm and level like we learnt in combat training.

It's not like we haven't slept in the same bed before. The first night we spent here after having discovered the poor state of the house, completley neglected by Burke and Murray, we had only one bed. Too proud to call any of our parents we spent the night together. And it's not like we never touch either, and not only when we fight. But if this has been going on for a long time he's _damn_ good at hiding his feelings. Or am I going blind?

One of his large hands caress my chest down to my stomach, again and again. I watch his striped arm from under half-closed eye-lids. So much muscle – he could easily take whatever he wants when he has me down like this. But he won't, and that's why I can stay.

From my stomach he continues down my thighs and knees. His legs press against the back of mine. His fur is soft and warm, longer than mine and finer in quality. Must've been easy for him to get a girl in highschool. Or a guy, I guess.

He's aroused I can tell, not only from the scent that surrounds us.

A finger touches me under my tail. I bury my face in the pillow. It's OK. I know it is. I want to get my pants on, I want to run away, I want to do this.

I want to do this. If I like it, that's fine. If I don't...

Suddenly the finger is slick as he strokes me, the air feels cooler than last time when he sticks his hand out from under the covers to wipe it. Then his fingers comb through my fringe.

The other paw slowly scratches me behind my ear and strokes my cheek and temple. The fur on my shoulder gets smoothened and his caresses continue down my chest.

He's purring in my neck. Funny, no matter how stressed you are, it's hard not to purr when someone else does.

I feel like a kitten when he slipps into me. Younger than ever before, like twenty years or more of my life just disappeared. But he is right. It doesn't hurt, it's not even unpleasant.

I pull his arms tighter around me and feel him gently squeeze me in response. It's accually kind of nice, and the more I relax the better it gets. Good enough to do again? I don't know, it's too early for that kind of questions.

He grunts in my neck as he comes and for a moment he just lies there, breathing, before he carefully pulls out. Not once does his arms let go of me, and that feels good. I'm very tender right now.


	2. Version 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters appearing herein, I (unfortunatelly) do not make any money out of it either, this is purely for the pleasure of writing about our heroes.

Neither this nor the last chapiter is connected to any other SWAT-kats stories that I hope to put up soon. Same warning as before.

Enjoy.

* * *

He holds me

by Dappled

**  
**

It's funny how we ended up here, really, and if I wasn't so happy I'd laugh. Sure, I've gone to bed with guys because of a tad too much to drink before, but I never thought I'd do it because of a bet. Especially one _he_'d put up.

I bury my nose in his neck and take a deep breath full of his scent. He's warm and living in my arms and the feeling makes my head spin.

But he's tense. Am I so aroused I have forgotten how nervous he probably is? I was nervous the first time too; now that I finally have him here I must remember that.

He's not nervous, he's scared. His scent is heavy from fear.

What does he think? That I'll hurt him? Force him? He can't think that!

I tell him anyhow.

"Huh?"

He flinches as I rouse him from his thoughts and I have to repeat what I just said.

"I know."

He turns away again.

That makes me hesitant. He doesn't want to? _Jake, buddy, you know you can stop me any time. I won't take it bad. _

I stroke him softly. I've been told that I'm good at massage, maybe it will help. If he lets me.

He doesn't move when I touch him and gingerly strokes his chin and throat. As I slowly begin working on his neck and shoulders he ducks his head and I can feel him thinking.

Sometimes I wish he wouldn't do that so much. It sure comes in handy every now and then but not in situations like these.

Now I have reached the smooth fur on his thighs, touched almost all of his tough, slender body.

What a stroke of luck that I still have the gel in my bedside table. Ought to be out of date by now but I don't take the time to look, or care

I let my fingers slip under his tail. If he's to run he'll do it now. But he was never the type to run.

He's gripping the pillow. You OK buddy? _Calm down_. I pull my fingers through his tangles fringe. _Calm down_. A slow scratch behind his right ear, I know he likes that. _Calm down_. I let the back of my hand run lightly over his cheek and temple, trying secretly to spot if he's crying.

He seems to be soothed, less tense with his eyes almost closed and breathing perfectly even as I slip my hands down to his chest in a careful embrace. Deep inside his body I can feel a tiny vibration of pleasure in response to my own. I'm purring and even more so as I push into him.

_Oh Jake!_

…

…

…

He's resting in my arms and I'm sure he's sleeping. Once again I bury my nose in his neck and smell him, but carefully so I won't wake him.

God, that was _good_. And even better is that he seemed to like it as well. With my fingers in the soft fuzz on chest I close my eyes and simply feel him. Now he's lax and warm, a nice, settled heat against my chest and stomach.

I watch the dawn creep over the tiles, the light hesitantly touching the wrinkled covers and putting his fur on fire with deep shades of red and orange that lay hidden in the night that passed.

Passed. It's over. When he moves slightly, still far gone but slowly waking, I know it has all passed and like a dream that fades in the morning light it will not come back. And I will not ask for it.

I'll let it remain a dream.


End file.
